Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Everyone has a fatal flaw. Some flaws cause fatalities like, fear of water makes you drown. Some flaws weaken a person severely like Krytonite with Superman. My Kryptonite is my superhero complex. The irony shouldn't be lost on you, either. By birthright, I am a people pleaser. If it were up to me, most of us would get along and I would be the reason you and everyone around you were unbelieveably happy. This doesn't explain my fascination with punk and hard rock music but it does shine light on why I have so many women in my life. It's natural for a people pleaser to want to make women happy. They smell nice, look pretty, and have soft skin. Why not? The only problem with this, in my life, is I am terrible at trying to make other people happy, Having a superhero complex has messed up almost every relationship I have ever had. Most folks don't want their problems solved or be saved like a damsel regardless of their distress.

I am going through a personality change with my wife and children. Instead of wearing a cape and trying my bad stand up comedy act every day to make them happy, I am listening to them more, acting out less, and being more of what they say they need, not what I think they need. I am terrible at this, but; I am getting better.

Ever notice how superheroes, especially Batman, Superman and Spiderman are always alone, brooding, and so mind numbingly complex that even therapists hate them? Well, I started noticing this only recently. I never said I was brilliant. No one wants to be saved  by someone else. No one wants to have their problems solved all the time. Most people want you to be your screwed up self, let them be their screwed up self, and have things just happen naturally without any buildings being leaped in a single bound or any web slung.

Earlier today, I was struck with a 25 year old memory. My personality allowed me to be friends with 3 or 4 different groups of people in high school. I was like social conduit to unique cliques. At one point, for some reason I don't recall, a couple of these social outlets began fueding. As I tried to be peacemaker to suburban Hatfields and McCoys, I got really frustrated and dropped this bit of science; "I should just change my name to cake, because everyone likes cake." For a while the name stuck. Later when I was in college, I worked with a girl whose last name was Cake. I asked her if that was an icebreaker with people; having such a unique last name. Her response was eerily similar to my high school punchline; "you know, everyone likes cake, so they just start talking, you know, about cake."

As I learn to get along better with everyone in my life;I mean it's time to finally grow up; I think I'll incorporate the cake name gimmick. I need all the help I can get. I am researching how much money, time, energy, and lawyering is involved with changing my name. For now, I want to write to all of you reading this that each of you are beautiful, talented, special, and marvelous; like cake.

By the way, my top five favorite types of cake are red velvet, chocolate, strawberry, angel, and pineapple. My birthday is September 10th. Cash and cake in lieu of gifts, please.

Lance errrr, um Cake

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